Balthazar
by thewoman1
Summary: If Balthazar's vessel had been a button-down conservative Sunday school teacher. (Based on popular Tumblr prompt)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** While writing this, I imagined Sebastian Roche's body to be used as the form for Balthazar's vessel. The rest is pure fiction.

XXX

REJOICE SEBASTIAN FREELY, FOR YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. I AM BALTHAZAR, ANGEL OF HEAVEN, WRATH AND JUSTICE AND…WHATEVER. DO YOU HEAR MY VOICE?

The said man's eyes screwed up in pain and he clasped his ears as the full force of a Heavenly voice blasted through him. The floorboards around Freely groaned and threatened to cave. The ceiling of his house shook and dust flew everywhere.

 _Who are you?! What is this?_ He found that he could not move.

All the glass windows in his house simultaneously exploded as the voice answered. I AM A BLOODY ANGEL OF THE LORD AND I AM IN NEED OF YOUR SERVICE.

An electric bolt of shock ran through him. _An angel of the Lord?_

DID I STUTTER?

He found that he could move again. Freely crossed himself before falling to his knees in the ruins of his once spotless kitchen and he hastily bowed his head. He was a man of God through and through and knew what the right answer was.

 _I-I am faithful to my Lord and Father above. For what purpose am I needed?_

GRANT ME PASSAGE INTO YOUR BODY SO THAT I MAY FULFILL A GREAT AND GLORIOUS MISSION OF DIRE IMPORTANCE.

 _Yes._

And for the first time in millennia, Balthazar's mouth smiles and his lungs breathe air.

EH THIS'LL DO. He decided as he inspected his reflection on a destroyed tea kettle. A BIT OF AN OLDER VESSEL, BUT EVERYONE LOVES A DADDY.

XXX

 _I am so incredibly honored to serve. I have always been loyal to the faith. I have dedicated my life to bringing our Blessed Lord to His people. To me there is not greater purpose in life._

Balthazar could feel the gratitude emanating from the soul of the human he possessed. Excitement and pride seeped throughout the vessel he now wore. Balthazar went back into Freely's memories and found that he had led a pious life. Sebastian Freely found God at a young age and spent nearly all his time educating the unfortunate and young about God's love for humanity but no living kin. Balthazar searched around in the human's soul for any sort of darkness or malice but found nothing. The man was a kind and good soul that would be gladly welcomed in Heaven when his time came. He decided that such a man should be worthy of a dignified response from an angel of the Lord.

OKAY.

 _What is our great and glorious mission of high importance?_

Seemingly not hearing him, Balthazar tugged at the shirt collar uncomfortably circling his throat and frowned at the plain, button down shirt that garbed his now non-celestial and squishy body. Adjustments would definitely need to be made. YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY OTHER CLOTHES, DO YOU?

 _Um, Balthazar? I mean, s-sir?_

BALTHAZAR IS FINE. He finally loosened the collar. OH THANK THE ALMIGHTY, I'M ALWAYS FOR A BIT OF DANGER DURING 'ME TIME' BUT GOODNESS, THAT WAS PUSHING IT.

If Freely felt any uncertainty then, he wisely did not mention it, but Balthazar could still feel touches of doubt coming from the soul. A skeptical vessel wouldn't do, the human might be given a chance to banish him from the vessel. A real-life miracle should do the trick, he decides.

YOU DARE QUESTION MY INTEGRITY? He ignored the human's frantic apologies. A DEMONSTRATION OF THE POWER THEN, GIFTED BY HEAVEN'S WONDEROUS LORD, THE GRACE OF ELOHIM HIMSELF. PRAISE UNTO HIM.

He snapped his fingers and the broken glass from Freely's kitchen transformed into a large, phallic shaped glass ornament. BEHOLD, I AM A TRUE ANGEL OF THE LORD.

 _Oh my God._

DO NOT FEEL DESPAIR, FATHER DESIGNED YOU ALL IN HIS IMAGE BUT VARIATION IN PACKAGE SIZE IS NORMAL.

The miracle glass dildo vibrated in agreement.

XXX

After going through his closet and proclaiming that Freely's wardrobe was a mixture akin to Peewee Herman and a middle age Dad, Balthazar immediately took them to the mall and picked out some ridiculously low V-neck shirts and jeans that showed off every curve of his ass and junk.

 _Is this really necessary..?_ Freely watched himself twirl around in the mirror of a Hot Topic. _I'd really rather…dress my age._

AGE IS SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T MATTER. Balthazar said while cupping his new assets. UNLESS YOU'RE A CHEESE.

 _Women age like fine wine._

AND SOME MEN AGE LIKE MILK. TRUST ME, YOU NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET. "Darling," He flagged down a saleswoman. "I'll take these and all the blazers on the rack."

 _A British accent?_

I THINK IT'S QUITE FETCHING.

The bubbly saleswomen popped her gum and blushed at the clothes he pointed out. "Oh, such _nice_ choices! Are you going somewhere special tonight?"

"Only a date with God love."

Freely perked up _. You mean…we're completing the mission you were given by the Lord himself tonight?_

OH THAT..? YEAH SURE WHATEVER.

Too busy daydreaming about the details of Balthazar's mission from Heaven itself, Freely barely noticed as Balthazar busied with a rack filled with pendants. _I'm so honored to be given the privilege of being in attendance while an angel completes his work for the Grace of his Lord and Father. This may be the most important night of my life. I cannot wait to see where you take us._

XXX

Freely took it all back. He wanted no more than to be blinded than see where Balthazar had taken them.

 _This is a den of inequity. We should not be here._

They were at dirtiest and cheapest looking dive that he had ever seen. Not that he would know as he had spent the entirety of his time in church instead of frequenting the red life district, but if Freely had to imagine a bar where every sort of terrible thing happened, this was the place. Grimy and dark, the smell of booze, cheap cologne and sweat saturated the hot air. Rough looking men and a few women gathered around poker tables, laughing and smoking freely while girls who looked like sin personified sauntered around with almost everything on display stopping only to wind around patrons and whisper promises of the best night of their lives.

Freely gulped; almost everyone was armed. Although the atmosphere of the bar was boisterous, tension hung in the air.

They strolled past an apathetic bouncer who waved them in without a glance. Balthazar nonchalantly wound his way around tables bumping into chairs and patrons alike without any regard to the dirty looks he was getting.

 _Can we…please be careful?_ Freely asked nervously. _I don't want to start anything here._

OOPSIE DAISEY. His hip nudged against the biggest and baldest man's elbow, sending his hand of cards tumbling onto the table to reveal a straight flush.

"YOU FUCKIN' LITTLE CHEAT!" The enormous man whirled around. "I'LL SPILL YOUR GODDAMN GUTS ON THE FLOOR AND MAKE YOU EAT IT YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He smashed his beer bottle on the side of the table sending up a spray of glass shards and beer and lunged towards Freely with the jagged weapon. Every fiber of his being screamed at him to run, hide, duck, do _anything_ to avoid the 300-pound freight train barreling towards him but Balthazar was in control. His body lazily sidestepped and the larger man went flying into the bar stand with a resounding crash.

Barely anyone batted an eye and the bartender only sighed, "Markus, I swear to God we talked about this last week. I'll have to cut you off if you stab another person again."

The said man scrambled to his feet and spat on the floor. "The fucker was cheatin' at cards Sean."

"I don't care, I ain't cleanin' 'nother one of your messes." Sean said. A dangerous gleam shone in his eyes as his hand reached for something beneath the bar counter. Freely could tell this was a man one didn't trifle with. "Either siddown or settle it outside."

The bald man made to lunge at him again but seeing the look on the bartender's face, he seemed to think better. Growling threats under his breath, he retook his seat and the bar eventually resumed its normal activities.

To Freely's utter consternation instead of hightailing out of there like a sane person, Balthazar happily plopped himself down on a stool that had seen better days and ordered a drink.

"Hit me up with something good and strong."

The bartender smiled showing yellowed teeth. "You got t'go somewhere else old man, all I got 'ere is cheap 'n strong."

Balthazar grinned back, "That'll have to do."

 _Um…Balthazar?_

His drink arrived quickly and he nodded to the bartender who resumed polishing a glass with a filthy rag. I SENSE YOUR DISCOMFORT. YOU CLEARLY HAVE SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND, GO ON SPIT IT OUT.

 _Well it's just that… I…I should…. I should be teaching the celebration of the Sacraments and Divine Scripture for Sunday school right now. Or at home. SAFE. Not immersing myself in this…this dangerous decadence._

Balthazar chugged the pint of beer and smacked his lips. OH POO. I'M ONLY TAKING THE EDGE OFF AND I KNOW FOR A FACT FATHER DID NOT MAKE DRINKING A SIN.

 _It's Sunday._

Balthazar considered that for a moment. IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET THEN.

 _But I've never been drunk my entire life!_

YOU'RE MISSING OUT.

 _It's Sunday afternoon. Why in God's name are we getting drunk on Sunday afternoon? I thought you said we were completing your mission._

WE ARE. I'M TRYING TO GET US LAID.

 _What?!_ Freely shrieked and Balthazar poked a finger in his ear in annoyance. _That's what you came down from Heaven for?! Your 'great and glorious assignment' given from God himself?!_

CAREFUL THERE. NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU BUT I SURE CAN.

 _God commanded you to have…to have sex?! In MY body? WHY?_

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. YOU UNDESTAND DON'T YOU?

He gritted his teeth and fought the urge to scream. _Yes…_

BUT YEAH, I WANT TO GET LAID. FIND MYSELF A STRAPPING YOUNG MAN…OR WOMAN. I'M NOT PICKY.

Someone might as well have told him the Virgin Mary was a total anal whore, his brain wouldn't have short circuited any less. For all his fifty years, he knew angels as spiritual beings intermediate between Heaven and men; God's powerful and obedient instruments by whom He communicates His will to humanity, but this otherworldly creature before him, the very symbol of benevolence and chastity, spoke of performing premarital sex as indifferently as if he'd been talking about a wholesome weekend activity he'd missed out on.

SURELY YOU HAVE FUCKED BEFORE.

 _Excuse me? I've been chaste for my entire life, not to mention I prefer…women._

WELL SHIT, STRAP ON THEN. THIS WILL BE AN EXPERIENCE.

 _I…I really don't feel comfortable with this. Not to mention some Christen and Catholic chapters believe homosexuality is a sin._

FATHER MADE YOU ALL IN HIS IMAGE. Balthazar crooked an eyebrow. IF THERE IS SUCH THING AS GAY, WOULDN'T THAT MEAN GOD IS A BIT GAY?

Freely was lost for words.

HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN FLAMINGOS?

He spotted a figure heading over towards them and with every fiber of his being, prayed for salvation. But Balthazar downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. "Show time _."_

"Hey sugar," A woman that oozed a combination of sin and uncleanliness appeared at their side. She wore almost nothing but a sultry pout that promised everything you wanted to hear. "You look lonely tonight, you need some comp'ny?"

Balthazar ignored the spluttering noises in his head and put on his most charming smile. "Three's a crowd. I've got my friend right here with me, but I'm afraid he's a bit of a downer though," He winked suggestively. "He's a big boy but hasn't had _any_ fun in his life."

"Oho," She nodded knowingly. "I know exactly what you need. The girls love breaking someone new in."

 _What is she talking about? Are you talking about my penis? Oh my G-, you're talking about my penis._

QUIET VIRGIN, WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE. Balthazar turned his attention back to the woman, "What's your name, darling?"

Her smile reminded Freely of stained silk and dead roses. Once beautiful, but time had taken its toll. "Charity."

Balthazar couldn't help but chuckle, "Well, Charity have you got any friends? I have a rather," He let his eyes roam hungrily over her body. "…large appetite."

"Oh honey," she purred as she stroked his exposed chest hairs. "Have I got friends. Wanna get out of here?"

"It's like you read my mind." They started sucking face much to Freely's horror.

 _No! That is it!_ _I'm drawing the line right here! This is absolutely ridiculous! I can think of a million places I'd rather be than this Godforsaken nest of sin. What kind of angel are you?! I don't want to have sex with a prostitute. I can't even begin to start how wrong the very thought of you copulating is-_

WHAT'S THAT VERSE IN THAT BOOK YOUR KIND LIKES TO READ? Balthazar asked as he lazily nuzzled into the crook of Charity's neck. JOHN 12:26 TO BE EXACT.

 _I-I..I._

OH YOU KNOW IT?

The words were dragged painfully out of him. ' _Who-Whoever serves me must…must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me…'_

THAT WAS MY HALF-BROTHER SPEAKING, BUT YOU GET THE GIST. HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MAN OF GOD. OH WELL, I'LL JUST HEAD ON BACK TO HEAVEN AND LET FATHER KNOW THAT-

 _No! No…I'm sorry. I-I…._ Freely deflated. _I didn't mean to be presumptuous._

GOOD NOW KINDLY SHUT UP.

Freely was doing the possessed vessel equivalent of hyperventilating. _I can't believe this, I'm…I'm going to lose my virginity._

DON'T WORRY I WON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

XXX


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note** : I've included the meaning of the Bible verses used at the end of the chapter. Enjoy.

XXX

Following that first horrifying night riding bitch seat in his own body, Freely wanted nothing more than to gouge his eyeballs out and scrub himself with bleach

Balthazar lay on his back on top of a heap of warm bodies, basking in the afterglow of fucked out exhaustion and somehow still balls deep inside of a latex covered something. Literally any fluids that could come out of a human were splattered haphazardly of any surface; on the furniture, the china cat that his great aunt Marge gave him, on the mantelpiece and the carpet. Not to mention on the strangers, actually no, Freely corrected himself, _prostitutes_ that Balthazar had happily taken home. Miles of bare skin on several woman _and_ men were blatantly on display as they all lay in a sex induced coma huddled on top of his poor king sized mattress that had been used beyond the most perverted and fucked up porn addict's imagination.

Yes, if he could, Freely would've prayed for a bolt of lightning to put him out of his misery, but like childbirth, this after-party was underwhelming compared to the main show. It'd been a whirl of colors and nauseating imagery but he must've somehow blocked most of Balthazar's activities due to sheer horror as he could only remember bits and pieces. Contrary to Balthazar's word of taking it slow, the girl, Charity, took them back to a brothel where her and her coworkers initiated a massive 'cuddle session' as Balthazar put it. He begged and pleaded with Balthazar to take them home when the males started to join, and to his surprise, Balthazar whole-heartedly agreed it was a great idea. So they made their way back to Freely's house but with the rest of prostitutes in tow.

 _Oh Blessed Mary, every day we stray further away from God's light._ Freely had moaned, trying to wrestle control to screw his eyes shut and cross himself but Balthazar had his fingers ass deep inside someone's body while his face was buried in another woman's chest.

Balthazar didn't even stop fucking another moaning man's brains from under him to answer him. INTERESTING, I DID NOT TAKE YOU FOR A MEME FOLLOWER.

 _What in blazes is a me-me?_

DON'T PONDER TOO HARD, WE'VE GOT LOTS TO DO.

XXX

That was the bread and butter of his life from then on. A spectator of his own body. He thought once Balthazar finished his mission he would take his leave and he would be free to return to his peaceful life he had before taken hostage. He'd first take a scalding hot shower and prostrate himself before God to find clarity for his sins. A thousand Hail Mary's would not be enough to cleanse him of the filth he participated in. He'd never be the same once Balthazar left. Who would believe that not only an angel contacted him but also hijacked his body to procreate with a dozen individuals in one night? He'd be kicked out of not only the confession booth but his Church for daring to suggest that a celestial being had the desires of human flesh.

But it was all better than another second of being possessed by this supposed angel.

Unfortunately for Freely, Balthazar had plans. The angel may have completed his mission spectacularly, but he wanted to 'REALLY MAKE SURE'. From that fateful orgy, their nights were spent 'experimenting' nearly every single fetish known to humankind. Every waking minute, Balthazar found something to procreate with. He found out the hard way that the damn angel did. not. sleep though Freely still required it. So God knows what Balthazar was doing while he was passed out.

At least when he was asleep, nobody was prying his eyes open and scrubbing them with sin and debauchery but Freely didn't know what was worse; stay awake and experience everything for himself or sleep and wake up in a horrible situation he had no memory of starting. He'd once woken up in complete confusion to find himself on the couch in a bathrobe with a bottle of lotion beside him and the television still running. Although it was a somewhat pleasant change from the usual furious sexual activity, why Balthazar was interested in _My Little Pony_ reruns, he couldn't say.

His life was a now nymphomaniac's ultimate dream. And it was Freely's complete nightmare. He lost count of the times he begged Balthazar to stop but every single time Freely showed any signs of disapproval, Balthazar would pull out the big guns to convince him of the error of his ways.

XXX

 _This is the fourth time today we've attended this…swinger club of yours. Can we please maybe do something else, ANYTHING else?_

OH? I THINK 'THE WET SPOT' IS A CHARMING MEET AND GREET. WHAT WOULD A MONKEY LIKE YOU SUGGEST OVER THE JUDGEMENT OF AN ANGEL OF THE LORD?

 _I saw a lovely place of worship a few blocks back._ Freely said hopefully. _Perhaps we could go there, attend a nice sermon-_

BORING. WE'RE DOING MY IDEA.

 _I just don't understand why-_

PROVERBS 3:5.

 _That's not what He meant and you know it!_ Freely spluttered.

WHO AM I TO QUESTION THE ALMIGHTLY LORD?

XXX

 _Please please please, put on pants. We're in public. People can see me._

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I HAVE PANTS ON.

 _One preferably that doesn't have the crotch and rear area cut out!_

ROMANS 12:1.

 _You've got to be kidding me…_

XXX

He was trying his hardest to screw his eyes shut from the filth that was happening by his own hands. _That's not going to fit._

IT'S GONNA FIT.

 _It would be beyond human capacity! Please the man is in obvious pain._

TRUST ME THAT'S NOT PAIN.

 _Things aren't supposed to go in there in the first place! What in God's name makes you think you can fit-_

PHILIPPIANS 4:13

Freely fought the urge to throw up.

XXX

For an angel that was so fixated on sex and nothing else besides his collection of Scotch, Balthazar had an uncanny knowledge of Bible verses. Freely vowed long ago to keep to the words of God. Since Balthazar was sent by God himself to fulfill his mission, Freely must obey or suffer the consequences. It would go against everything he'd ever known to refuse the whims of the Almighty. So Balthazar, for lack of better words, had him by the balls.

The doorbell ringing jolted him out of his thoughts.

"Ah my package." Balthazar said happily as he put down the latest issue of _Bondage in the Buff._

Freely sighed to himself as they went up and got the door. Probably another torture device. Since Balthazar had taken up residence in his magically repaired house, not to mention his body, packages had been arriving for him at a breakneck speed. They usually arrived when Freely was asleep. He'd only known because in the morning there were dozens of boxes signed for in the living room, usually with body fluids and lubrication splattered messily on them. He never saw the contents, but he assumed they were some sort of fetish toys Balthazar ordered since a fully stocked sex dungeon had sprung up in a fortnight in his basement.

But something about this delivery man Balthazar was conversing with made Freely's hackles stand on edge. He sensed…. power.

 _Balthazar who is this? Is this another ang-_

OOPS I ALMOST FORGOT. GO PLAY FOR A BIT, THE GROWN UPS ARE SPEAKING NOW.

Freely suddenly felt a hard push and was shoved into compressing darkness.

XXX

Balthazar blinked, his mind peacefully quiet. Finally, the damn human was out of his way. The ape didn't know how lucky he was, most of his brothers and sisters were content to let their vessels be dragged along for the ride and some left them in a near catatonic state once they were done. He didn't believe in such primitive possession. He was doing Freely a favor by letting him witness everything. Things could be so much worse and all the human did all day was nag him about his Duty to God and what not. He found Freely's piety annoying, if only he knew what Father was really like. And the praying during the sex was a huge mood killer. The last thing Balthazar wanted to think about was 'The Heavenly Father's love shining down on Earth' when he was spraying his own love on someone's back.

Hence the trick he devised to get the human out of his hair. Tricky things these vessels, he couldn't send the human away entirely, that was beyond his power, but he could put him away in storage...for a limited time. It expended his Grace to keep his vessel's owner locked away against his will, but for important matters such as now, he'd manage for a little while. He turned his attention back to the man standing there with his package. "What were you saying?"

"This'll cost ya, Balthazar." The shorter man grinned up at him. "But I promise it'll be worth it."

He rolled his human eyes, a gesture he was growing fond of, and crossed his arms. "Put up or shut up, darling. Show me what you got."

The man obliged and opened the top flap of a long thin package as tall as he. A soft glow emanated from the opening, bathing his face in Holy light.

"Is that what I think it is?" Balthazar asked gleefully, all traces of initial annoyance gone.

"You damn right it is." The man said closing the box. "Found it in Egypt, pretty little thing isn't it?"

"Like a virgin on her wedding night. My my, you've really outdone yourself this time. It's hard to find good help around here since we botched the Apocalypse." Balthazar took the package. "Payment will be as we discussed."

"Thank you kindly." The shorter man cheekily preformed an elegant bow.

"I couldn't even snag this little beauty back in Heaven." Balthazar grinned. "Your kind certainly deserves its name, Trickster."

The man waggled his eyebrows at the angel and only smiled. "Secrets of the trade, kiddo. I'll let you know if I find any more." And with that he disappeared into thin air.

Balthazar closed the door and tore open the package like an excited human child on Christmas. Some little adjustments here and there…maybe a sawed off portion. He smiled, satisfied. Anyone who is still on his trail would have a right time trying to find him now. He'll have to put this with the rest of his little beauties he brought with him from Heaven and he knew just the right spot…

Suddenly there was buzzing in his head. It sounded like cherubims gossiping in the First Sphere or an annoying human screaming about death and the darkness of the afterlife.

He groaned inwardly but his alone time was up. He'd have to do this more often, peace of mind was rare now and Balthazar had a feeling it wouldn't last. He reached out with his Grace and yanked the human back like a fish on a hook.

 _What…in Lord's name…was that?!_ The human words came in huge gasping breaths. He never understood the necessity of air. Blowjobs could've been much less of a hassle if Father had been more efficient during Creation.

I CALL IT A TIME OUT.

 _I thought I'd died!_

HA. PUSSY.

XXX

The arrival of Balthazar new trick was awful to say the least. Now instead of Bible verses when he apparently annoyed the angel, Freely was unceremoniously shoved into storage. He hated it more than the hypocrisy of Balthazar reciting Bible verses when it suited him. It was cold and dark and the more time he spent there, the more the stillness permeated his being. The coldness seemed to penetrate everywhere, spreading numbness throughout him as he waited for Balthazar to pull him back into his body. Time passed differently and though Balthazar would stick him in there for at most an hour, it felt like eons. It was exactly what Freely imagined Hell to be like minus the fire. He'd rather suffer through anything Balthazar was doing in real life than go back there. So Freely settled into a tense routine

As the weeks went by however, instead of putting Freely in 'time out' whenever he spoke out of turn, Balthazar had taken to forcing Freely into storage for no apparent reason. Like whenever the doorbell rang, or once when a well-dressed businessman grabbed Balthazar by the lapels in the middle of the street, and most recently when he thought he'd heard a voice in the back of his head that wasn't Balthazar's. He couldn't make out the specific words but it sounded like a plea for help. The latter had earned Freely a day in the darkness. When Balthazar finally pulled him back out, he'd pretended as if Freely had been mouthing off again, but Freely was no fool, he was sharp enough to know that something was up.

It came to light a week later with the arrival of another angel.

Balthazar was relaxing in his recliner with a new issue of _Black and Blue_. Freely had been…well sulking. That morning they had another sex party much to his displeasure but this time Freely had kept quiet with the threats of being put in the darkness still hung over him. It was horrifying how almost routine it was now, after months of intense sexual activity, everything seemed deadened, unlike the first orgy he'd unwillingly participated in. Even the images of women dominating men in the magazine that filled his vision seemed unimaginative to him.

Suddenly a black blur appeared in the corner of his eye. "What in the -." Balthazar words were cut off as a sword point erupted through the glossy papers stopping a hairs breath away from his throat.

If he'd been in control of his body, Freely was sure he would've pissed himself.

Balthazar somehow managed to remain calm. He smiled as if there wasn't a giant dagger tickling his neck. "Good to see you again Afriel."

A man in a business suit wrenched the slim blade out of the ruined magazine and leveled it back at his throat. "Balthazar. It was a pain in the ass to find you."

"And to whom may I thank for the pleasure?"

The other man sneered. "Castiel, the idiot. We overheard him talking with those Winchesters." He applied a little pressure with blade. "Now the weapon."

"Easy with the razor, I enjoy a fresh shave not so close to the skin." Balthazar reached into his blazer slowly and drew out….a stick. Freely couldn't believe his eyes. Was that what this whole thing was about? A sawn off portion of a piece of driftwood? "I'm assuming this is what Raphael was looking for?"

"Hand it over."

Balthazar smiled disarmingly. "Whatever you say." He made to give it over but in the same motion, he suddenly cracked the other man across the head with a sickening crunch and in the same movement kicked him away from him. As the man staggered crazily away, Balthazar cocked the short stick like a shotgun and shot a blast of light out the end directly into the other man sending him flying into the far wall where there was a resounding thud. As their attacker slid down like a broken doll, Freely finally found his voice.

 _What…what the Hell is going on?!_

OH CURSING NOW, ARE WE? Balthazar said walking over and poking the fallen body with his foot with the same disgust as if it had been something run over on the freeway. I DIDN'T TAKE YOU FOR THE SORT. 

_Did...did you just kill him?_

NO AFRIEL HAS A MUCH THICKER SKULL THAN THAT, THE SOD. He checked the other angel's comatose body. WELL AT LEAST I KNOW MY LITTLE TOYS WORK.

Freely watched in horrified fascination as a bulge in the other angel's throat traveled up through his neck before a frog crawled out of his mouth. It ribbited at Freely.

His brain buzzed with a million questions _. You know him? What was that you hit him with? Why did he try and attack-_

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW. Balthazar snapped and with a snap of his fingers, teleported them up into the bedroom. He began to rummage around under the massive four poster bed. Alarm and dare he say worry… poured from the normally apathetic angel. KEEP QUIET FOR WHATEVER HAPPENS NEXT, OUR LIVES COULD DEPEND ON IT. He tried to argue but Balthazar cut him off as he shoved something into his blazer pocket. IF YOU SAY ONE WORD, I'LL STICK YOU BACK IN THE PLAYROOM FOR A WEEK.

 _But-_

ONE WORD. Balthazar took his begrudging silence as agreement. He suddenly stopped. WE HAVE ANOTHER VISITOR. In an instant, they were back on the first floor. A pair of footsteps slowly grew closer and a figure appeared through the door.

"Cas." Balthazar smiled and relaxed. Contentment suddenly flooded throughout Freely and now his curiosity was piped. Who was this person that elicited such a response from Balthazar? He'd never seen the angel attached to anything let alone another person. "You're here."

The other man nodded at them. "Balthazar." In his hand, he grasped a slim blade, the same as the angel that attacked them. Compared to Balthazar's more flamboyant style, this man looked plain. He looked like any nine-to-five salary man, with a neat haircut, suit and tan coat, but the more Freely watched him, the stranger he looked. The man's blue eyes looked ancient, old beyond his years as if they'd seen the passage of an innumerable amount of time. And he radiated power, pure bright power, the same otherworldliness that he felt from Balthazar and that one delivery man.

"It's so good to see you." Balthazar said warmly and gestured vaguely at the far wall. "He told me you were floating around."

"He?" Cas said, confused.

"I believe you two have flown together." He snapped his fingers and the lights turned on. "Oh, you know, the old frog in the throat." Freely rolled his eyes at the dumb joke. The body of the angel who attacked them earlier was still on the floor. Another frog jumped out of his mouth and croaked.

"Even _I_ know that's a bad joke." A mix of emotions crossed the other man's face as he looked at Balthazar and when he spoke again, it was filled with pain. "I grieved your death."

"Yeah, yeah." Balthazar said carelessly. "I'm sorry about that. I wanted them to think, you know, so... they wouldn't come looking for me."

Looking for him? Freely's mind raced. That couldn't be right, that would imply that…Balthazar was _running_. What kind of mission would require him to flee Heaven unless...He immediately shoved the thought out of his head. He couldn't even entertain the thought. Balthazar may be crass and hypocritical but he was still an angel of the Lord. He wouldn't have dared…

"What…is all this? Cas looked around him but his meaning was clear. "What are you doing?"

"Whatever I want." Balthazar grinned. "This morning I had a ménage à... what's French for twelve?"

"You stole the Staff of Moses." It wasn't a question.

 _I'm sorry…did he just say that you stole the Staff of Moses?_ He asked quietly. Anger was starting to replace confusion and things were starting to make horrible sense.

"Sure, sure." He said dismissively as he ignored Freely. "I stole a lot of things."

"You were a great and honorable soldier." Cas said quietly. An unexplainable mix of emotions that weren't his rushed through Freely. "We fought together."

Balthazar? Honorable? After what he just heard? Balthazar just readily admitted to _stealing_ from Heaven. If that were true, then the idea of him running...

"Yes, too many times to count." Balthazar rolled his eyes cutting off Freely's train of thought. QUIT THINKING SO LOUD, IT'S GIVING ME A HEADACHE.

"I know you, you're not some common thief."

"Common?" Balthazar had the gall to look offended. "No. Thief? Ehhhh."

"I need your help."

"I know, I've been hearing all about you and as far as I'm concerned Cas, nothing has changed." Freely's anger softened as Balthazar continued. "We're brothers. Of course, I want to help you."

"Thank you."

Brothers. Balthazar said brothers. So he was right, the unassuming man standing in front of him was another angel. The puzzle pieces were starting to fit better in Freely's head. All the packages arriving at their house and the times he had shoved Freely into the darkness. Balthazar must've left Heaven on a mission from God to safekeep these items. He obviously couldn't tell anyone not even his vessel what his true mission was as there were others after him. This angel, Cas, must've been sent to assist Balthazar with his duty. Something big must be going on in Heaven but Freely was sure whatever it was, he was helping. For the first time since the night Balthazar took his body, pride seeped through him.

"I need the weapons." Cas suddenly asked.

"Don't ask that." Balthazar said sharply and Freely's pride disappeared like a popped balloon.

"Why take them? Why run away?"

"Because I could." He said simply. Freely froze as an overwhelming feeling of self-preservation accompanied his words.

He suddenly understood _. That is it._ Understanding turned into an ugly rage. Everything Balthazar told him, they were lies. All lies. He was the vessel to a disgrace. A thief who fled Heaven with his tail tucked between his legs, abandoning his God given duty. There was no hidden purpose to Balthazar's actions, he stole those weapons for himself and abandoned his duty in selfishness. And now when his own brother came to him for help, he'd rather save his own skin than redeem himself. Never in his entire life had he ever felt so disgusted. Not even during the massive orgy he'd unwilling participated in. _I've heard enough. I'm done._

I WILL DEAL WITH YOU LATER. Balthazar snarled at him but outwardly managed to look unbothered. I'VE GOT SOME MORE PRESSING MATTERS NOW. A BLOODY ARCHANGEL IS ALMOST ON OUR DOORSTEP AND-

 _No._ Freely said, deathly calm. _I'm going to be heard right now or you're going to have to find yourself a new body._

YOU'RE BLUFFING. YOU CAN'T REFUSE ME, YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A-

 _I, Sebastian Freely command you Balthazar, angel of the Lord, to leave my-_

 **FINE.**

Freely felt an enormous shove and suddenly he was falling, falling back into familiar darkness.

XXX

 **Author's Note**

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

"I urge you, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-this is your true and proper worship"

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."


	3. Chapter 3

XXX

He opened his eyes and a black abyss stretched endlessly around him. There was no light or matter and he floated in place in the void. He was back in the darkness that Balthazar always stuck him in when he started to get 'mouthy'.

 _That damn angel_ , He seethed as he revolved in the blank space. Normally cold as a winter's kiss in this space, he felt nothing but blistering fury. Balthazar better have a damn good explanation for all this.

After what felt like an eternity, there was the sound of wing flaps and Balthazar appeared with a stormy look on his face. His clothes were singed and he smelled of smoke. ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOUR LITTLE STUNT? YOU NEARLY GOT BOTH OF US KILLED. DO YOU NOT COMPREHEND THE POWER AN ARCHANGEL HAS OVER ME? HE COULD'VE TURNED ME INTO A PILE OF ASH AS EASY AS TAKING CANDY FROM AN INFANT.

"At this point I couldn't care less if he could turn you into a poodle! I want some damn answers and I want them now!"

QUIET. Freely suddenly felt dread. Every primitive survival instinct screamed at him to run and cower from the being that stood before him. With great effort, he managed to keep his eyes trained on Balthazar.

EXCUSE ME IF I'M A BIT SNAPPY. Balthazar smiled and the feeling of dread and danger sharpened. IN THE LAST TWENTY MINUTES, I'VE HAD AN ARCHANGEL ON MY ASS AND I JUST NEARLY HAD MY TAILFEATHERS SCORCHED BY HOLY FIRE THANKS TO SOME SELECT MEMBERS OF YOUR SPECIES. SO LOWER. YOUR. VOICE.

Freely barely managed to bite back an angry retort. "Who were they and what did they want?"

THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU NEED TO WORRY YOURSELF ABOUT. YOU'LL GIVE BOTH OF US GRAY HAIRS.

"Oh really?" He snarled as his temper flared _._ "Okay I'll just delete whatever just happened back there from my 'insignificant brain' and when I'm front row and center for everything again, who's to say what could happen if I decide that hmm...maybe I want to recite the entirety of Psalm 119 several dozen times a day. All a hundred and seventy-six verses around the clock."

Balthazar's eyes narrowed. LIKE I CARE.

"Oh so you wouldn't mind the constant noise? Perfect, I'll get myself warmed up right now. We both know you can't keep me in here forever."

Freely saw the gears turning in Balthazar's head but he knew he won. He had a hunch that whatever or whoever Balthazar was running from was much more powerful than him. With other angels so close on his trail, Balthazar couldn't afford any distractions now.

FINE. Balthazar bit out the word as if it physically pained him. BUT CHANGE THE SCENERY. THIS, He gestured around at the endless darkness. IS A BIT TOO MUCH OF THE DEATH AND DARKNESS OVERKILL. I'M NOT EXPLAINING JACK SHIT IN THIS EMO SPACE.

Freely stared at the angel in stark disbelief. He's the one that's been sticking him in this damn space for the last month and now he had the gall to complain about the 'scenery' no less. Before he could say something he'd regret, Balthazar rolled his eyes. IT'S YOUR HEADSPACE. YOU CAN MAKE IT WHATEVER YOU WANT.

"You never told me that! I was terrified every single first time you put me here!"

YEAH, He looked around at the endless void around them. SEEMS A BIT SCARY WITH NOTHING HERE. I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY YOU DIDN'T CHANGE IT.

Freely swallowed hard and fought to control his anger. As much as he wanted to lay into Balthazar, he didn't want to stay in the wretched darkness. "How…do I change it?"

THINK. USE THAT LOVELY BRAIN FATHER GAVE YOU. YOU DO HAVE ONE, DON'T YOU?

He ignored the jab, if he managed to survive all this, he'd be sure to give God a piece of his mind when he goes back to church. He closed his eyes but all he could hear was Balthazar's foot tapping impatiently. He opened his eyes and threw him a dirty look. "Do you mind?"

IT'S NOT HARD TO THINK OF A PLACE YOU WANT TO BE. Balthazar said loftily. HURRY UP.

He took a deep breath and with extreme difficulty let his mind calm. In and out he breathed. In and out. He asked himself, where did he want to be the most right now? He reached out with his heart and the answer came to him unbidden. Freely opened his eyes.

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'D PICK HERE. Balthazar rolled his eyes. PIOUS FETCHER.

The darkness had been replaced with a one room church. Sunlight streamed through stained glass panels of the small room and the inside was simple and frugal. Ten rows of pews barely fit in the middle of the room and a simple cross hung on the wall behind a small pulpit. The ceiling dipped low with flickering lights and the wood was faded. The only noteworthy thing in the room was an ancient set of heavy oak doors with old fashioned bolts that led outside.

KIND OF A FIXER UPPER DON'T YOU THINK?

He glared at him. "Could you at least treat a place of worship with respect? This was my old church."

YEAH, I KNOW. Balthazar said, plopping down in one of the pews. A drink had appeared in his hands. I ALREADY SAW IT IN YOUR MEMORIES.

He tried his hardest to ignore Balthazar. His fingertips traced the edges of the pews as he made his way up to the pulpit in a handful of strides. The old wood felt like an old friend and so many of his good memories were ingrained in them. As he surveyed the small room, his anger started to ebb away but then his eyes met Balthazar's. The angel grinned and crossed himself with the same hand that held the drink. FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED.

"Just stop." He said sharply, his anger returning quick as a summer storm. "Not here."

UGH, YOU'RE REALLY NOT GOING TO LET THIS GO, HUH?

Freely only glared at him.

FINE. Balthazar heaved a huge dramatic sigh and drained his glass before speaking. HEAVEN IS A BIT…CHAOTIC NOW.

"Oh yeah, I think I noticed."

WATCH THE TONE APE. IT'S BEEN INSANE UP THERE SINCE THE BOTCHED APOCALYPSE. IT MAKES YOUR WORLD WAR II LOOK LIKE A WATER BALLOON FIGHT. SO I FAKED MY DEATH AND CAME DOWN HERE WITH SOME PLAYTHINGS-

Freely had to slow his brain down to process what Balthazar was saying. "I'm sorry, what was that about the Apocalypse?"

THE END-OF-DAYS, THE LIFTING OF THE VEIL BETWEEN GOD'S REALM AND EARTH? He saw Freely's confusion. OH COME ON, THE COMING OF FALSE PROPHETS, THE ANTICHRIST, FOUR HORSEMEN AND THE GREAT TRIBULATION? DOES THAT NOT RING A BELL?

Freely racked his brains. He would think that if there was an attempted apocalypse, it would be much more noticeable. When he imagined the apocalypse, images of fire and blood and complete destruction with widespread causalities came to mind and there wasn't anything of the sort in the last year, only some abnormal weather and mild disease outbreak. "You mean that whole thing last year with the storms and tornados and the flu epidemic?"

MY GOD YOUR KIND IS IGNORANT. Balthazar snorted into his drink that magically refilled. WE WERE THIS CLOSE TO THE END TIMES AND YOU ALL THOUGHT IT WAS JUST SOME FREAK WEATHER PATTERNS AND SWINE FLU?

Freely wouldn't put that past humanity at all. "But what happened? Why are angels fighting each other now?"

BORING DETAILS ASIDE, IT WAS STOPPED. LUCIFER IS BACK IN THE CAGE AND YOUR KIND IS NONE THE WISER. BUT SOME OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE TRADITIONALISTS AND WANT TO REINSTATE THE APOCALYPSE AND SOME DON'T, HENCE THE STRUGGLE UPSTAIRS.

"And what side are you on?" He asked but he already knew the answer.

NEITHER. I TOOK SOME OF FATHERS TOYS AS A PRECAUTION, LEFT MY POST AND CAME DOWN TO EARTH TO FIND A MEATSUIT BEFORE THE REST OF MY SIBLINGS TORCH HEAVEN TO ASHES. I'D RATHER STAY ALIVE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

"Oh sure I do. You only 'just' deserted your post that you've held for millennia." He snapped. "How could you just abandon your duty by God?"

I…SAID FUCK IT AND LEFT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING AT HERE.

"And what does God say about all this this?" He demanded. "How have you not been punished?! You not only fled Heaven against direct orders from Him but stole His weapons for personal gain! How are you even still alive right now?!"

OH SAVE IT. FATHER CAN'T JUDGE AND EVEN IF HE DID, I WOULDN'T KNOW. HE'S BEEN GONE FOR AGES.

The world seemed to tilt on an axis. "God is…gone?" He stared at the angel, thunderstruck. A pit opened in his stomach as horror washed over him.

YEP.

It was the indifference in Balthazar response that set him off. "What do you mean he's gone?!" He screamed.

NOT 'GONE' GONE. He said as he ignored Freely's hysteria. BUT HE'S LET GO OF THE REINS, DOESN'T CARE ANYMORE. NOBODY HAS HEARD FROM HIM IN AGES, Balthazar rolled his eyes. HENCE WHY YOU CAN'T TATTLE ON ME.

Freely's head spun. This changed everything. To that God wasn't even here anymore….he couldn't even think of the impact it could have on the masses. He suddenly had a horrible realization. "So, you mean to tell me that when you've been harping about God every single time I've put a toe out of line THAT HE'S NOT EVEN HERE?!"

HEY, I NEVER SAID GOD WAS GONE OR COMMANDING YOU TO DO WHATEVER. I SIMPLY RECITED BIBLE VERSES AND YOU FILLED IN THE BLANKS.

His voice shook. "So everything you told me, it was all lies."

NOT ALL OF IT. I REALLY WANTED TO HAVE SEX.

He was suddenly furious. "You're so full of shit. You hide behind that damn façade of 'I wanna have sex with everything that moves' when really, you're too much of a goddamn weakling to do anything about your siblings' petty little squabbles over who gets to control in Heaven!"

CAREFUL MUD MONKEY, Balthazar said, his voice suddenly dangerously soft. DON'T PRESUME YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT GOES ON IN HEAVEN.

"I know that's it's ridiculous!" He yelled. "And that you all should be above such selfish desires!" "You were given actual purpose by the Heavenly Father, an honor that so many people would kill for and you just tossed it away! If the rest of the angels are as disobedient and gutless as you are, well then, it's no wonder God left!"

Something in Balthazar's eyes snapped and suddenly the air tore itself apart. Blinding white light exploded from Balthazar's form and slammed into him with the force of a nuclear wave. It was some time before Freely gathered enough courage to poke his head out from what used to be the pulpit and his eyes widened at the destruction around him. His church was completely obliterated; benches smashed to splinters, windows shattered into colored glass powder and huge chunks ripped out of the wood flooring. All in an instant. The only thing left untouched among the wreckage was the bench Balthazar was still sitting on.

For the first time since Balthazar had taken control of his body, Freely was afraid.

LET ME GIVE YOU A LESSON IN HISTORY, APE. Balthazar rose from the pew in cold fury. WHEN FATHER CREATED HUMANITY, WE NEVER GOT THE HYPE. I MEAN HE LITERALLY JUST TOOK A DIRTY MONKEY AND GAVE IT ANXIETY BUT HE GAVE YOU FREE WILL, THE ONE THING WE NEVER HAD. US, HIS CHOSEN CHILDREN AND SERVANTS DID NOT EVEN RECEIVE THAT PRIVILEGE. HE COMMANDED US TO LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN OURSELVES AND WE OBEYED. WE SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO LUCIFER FOR HIS DISOBEDIENCE AND NONE OF US WANTED THE SAME.

He stalked towards the terrified human with steps that burned black smoke into the ruined ground, uncaring of terrible display of power that surrounded him. WE KEPT OUR DUTY AND **HE LEFT US.** WE WERE MADE TO OBEY AND CARRY OUT GOD'S COMMANDS AND WHEN LUCIFER FELL, WE BECAME SOLDIERS. NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS. I SPENT THOUSANDS OF YEARS WATCHING HUMANITY ON ORDERS OF A FATHER I'D NEVER KNOWN OR SEEN. EONS AND EONS OF WATCHING, WAITING FOR HIM TO COME BACK BUT HE NEVER DID. WE WERE ABANDONED BUT WE KEPT HIS ORDERS. WE HAVE FAITH OTHERWISE WE DIE.

Freely smelled ozone and the heard the crackle of electricity. The air itself was charged with pure power and he trembled. This was a celestial being of unimaginable power and despite his sexual and crass nature, it would be nothing to Balthazar to wipe him off the map.

BECAUSE HE ABANDONED US, IT'S A MASSACRE UP THERE RIGHT NOW. I LEFT BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH. IT WENT AGAINST EVERYTHING I EVER KNEW BUT MY FAMILY WAS KILLING EACH OTHER AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I DIE BECAUSE FATHER DIDN'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT ME OR MY _ESIACH_. I TOOK WITH ME ALL THE WEAPONS I COULD FIND NOT ONLY FOR INSURANCE BUT BECAUSE IF HE WANTED TO, MY FATHER WOULD DESTROY US ALL.

As if to drive the point home, Balthazar's eyes glowed white hot. SO TELL ME AGAIN FROM THAT HIGH HORSE YOU'RE ON, THAT I KNOW NOTHING OF DUTY AND THE FEAR OF GOD AND I WILL SMITE YOU WHERE YOU STAND.

"I-I-."

Balthazar's form flared with blinding light and he opened his mouth for what Freely thought would be the last thing he'd ever hear. Suddenly the power in his eyes dimmed. Balthazar stared at the destruction he created and he turned away, face unreadable. The sense of danger and destruction dissipated and for the briefest moment, Freely saw the angel's shoulders shake. Memories that weren't his inexplicably assaulted his brain; a light that was both warm and terrible, hundreds of voices clamoring in confusion and fear, and one small lonely winged child. A wave of guilt washed over him.

"I-I I'm sorry…" Freely found his mouth completely dry. He swallowed hard and a long silence stretched between them. For all his years spreading God's teachings and forgiveness, he had no words. He'd comforted many in his lifetime; children, families who were devastated by loss, and the dying. In his own time of need, he found comfort by the presence of God's love and protection and his angels. But a question that never occurred to him before baffled him now. Who comforts the comforters?

WHY..?. Balthazar suddenly spoke, his powerful voice uncharacteristically quiet. WHY DID HE LOVE YOU MORE THAN US?

"I-I don't know."

OF COURSE **YOU** DON'T. EVEN I DON'T AND I SPENT COUNTLESS MILLENIA WATCHING EARTH. Balthazar spat. I SAW EVERY SINGLE ATROCITY COMMITED BY HUMANITY. SOME OF THE THINGS I SAW…. WHAT YOUR KIND COULD DO AND DID WERE UNFORGIVABLE.

Freely saw it reflected in Balthazar's eyes. His own eyes. All of humanity's crimes and cruelty. War and famine. Millions of people crammed into tiny chamber by the dozens and killed, emaciated families taken from their homes and separated, and the complete annihilation of entire cities with one missile.

YET FATHER GIVES YOU HIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND FORGIVENESS WHILE WE, HIS FORGOTTEN CHILDREN, ARE LEFT-Balthazar stopped suddenly, as if realizing the words that had spilled from his lips. WHAT….WHAT IS THIS?

"I'm-I'm sorry?" Freely stammered. The angel had gone from furious to fearful in seconds and he didn't know what to think. "What do-do you mean?"

I DON'T- I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME. I-I-. Balthazar clutched his chest as his face contorted into something that resembled panic. MY CHEST IS…

Freely stared at him, in half confusion and half fear. "Are you feeling…pain?" When Balthazar didn't reply he spoke again. "It's-it's normal to feel pain when you're...um..upset. Haven't- haven't you ever felt…p-pain when you're sad?"

THOSE ARE HUMAN EMOTIONS. WE WEREN'T MEANT TO FEEL…WE ONLY OBEY.

He felt a rush of pity and sympathy for the angel. They really were meant to be only soldiers, cold and flawless, to obey God's commands. The thought made him feel sad.

Balthazar must've sensed his thoughts because the angel's head suddenly snapped up. I DON'T NEED YOUR GODDAMN PITY, HUMAN. He snarled. YOU CAN ROT IN HERE FOR ALL THAT I CARE.

"Wait Balthazar-."

But Balthazar had vanished.

Freely looked around helplessly. The wind whistled through the ruins of what had been his church and he was all alone. He sighed and sat down on the only standing pew where Balthazar had been moments before.

He really was fucked.

XXX


	4. Chapter 4

XXX

 **Weeks later.**

"Balthazar?" He tried for what seemed like the millionth time. "Balthazar? Please, will you talk with me?"

He was met with silence. Freely sighed and sat wearily back down on the only standing pew in the wreckage of his church. He'd be trying to contact Balthazar for what seemed like eons but the stubborn angel was refusing to answer. It had to have been weeks on the outside. He didn't know how Balthazar was keeping this up. He'd never been put in the darkness for more than a day.

"Look, I'm sorry. Will you please come down and let me at least apologize properly?"

Silence.

"Balthazar come on…"

Still silence.

Okay, he tried being nice. Time for drastic measures.

"I'm gonna start singing gospels if you don't come down here and talk with me!"

There was the sound of wing flaps. WILL YOU STOP WITH THAT INFERNAL RACKET?

"Seriously, that's what makes you-." He stopped as he got a good look at the angel standing in front of what used to be the pulpit. Balthazar looked like a wreck; bags had appeared underneath his eyes; his normally fashionable clothes were rumpled and he reeked of human misery. "Oh my Lord, what happened to you...?"

FREE WILL. The angel sneered but without his usual bite. He swayed on his feet. DID YOU-DID YOU CALL JUST SO YOU COULD SHOWER ME..WITH YOUR 'COMPASSION' AND 'UNDERSTANDING'?

"Are…are you drunk?"

OH I SHOULD'VE KNOWN. YOU'RE GOING TO NAG ME TO DEATH. He spread his arms to an imaginary audience. TOTALLY CALLED IT.

The smell of booze wafted from the angel and Freely wrinkled his nose. "How is that even possi-?" He stopped and considered it for a second. "Okay how is that _physically_ possible?"

I ONLY DRANK HALF…HALF A WINE TASTING TRAIN IN NAPA VALLEY. YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT I CAN DO WHEN THERE ISN'T A PARASITIC PRIMATE ATTACHED TO THE BODY I'M INHABITING. Balthazar crossed his arms and tried to maintain a neutral standing position. NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT?

"Um…aside the fact that you really shouldn't be drinking that much…I was hoping we could talk."

WELL I DON'T WANT TO.

An awkward silence stretched between them.

"Balthazar-"

The angel clapped his hands together. SOOOO IF WE'RE DONE HERE, A glass of Scotch appeared and he took a long pull. I'VE GOT SEVERAL APPOINTMENTS LINED UP FOR THE AFTERNOON. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE THAT ARE INTO DILFS.

"What? No that's not it!" He said quickly before Balthazar could disappear. He took a deep breath and mustered whatever courage he had. "I just wanted to say…I forgive you."

Balthazar's eyes narrowed. YOU? YOU…FORGIVE..ME?

Sensing the danger in the angel's voice, Freely back-pedaled furiously. "Ah…I mean not like that…just for…everything that's happened now. I just...maybe thought you needed to hear that to-"

I THINK WE'RE DEFINITELY DONE HERE.

"No, wait! I'm sorry! I just-I just want you to know that I don't hold anything against you anymore."

He meant it too. Freely had ample time to think over things since Balthazar had left and he made good use of it. It had taken a while to wrap his head around the idea that God was simply…gone, that He had abandoned those of which he once guided so protectively. Was their world so terrible that its Creator had forsaken them? But from what Balthazar had seen from his lonely post, humanity was not innocent of its crimes. Once he'd calmed down he realized that he had judged the angel too harshly. When humanity lost its Lord, Balthazar lost a Father. If God truly was gone, it was no wonder that Balthazar felt the way he did. He couldn't imagine it, years after years of no guidance and love from a Father that favored his Creations more than his own children.

"I'm sorry about losing it before. It was a lot to take in with all the chaos that was happening. I've been thinking since um…since I've been in here and I understand why you did what you did and I forgive you for it."

Balthazar's jaw worked and for a second Freely had hope. WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE HELPFUL IN ANY WAY? BECAUSE YOU'RE FAILING QUITE MISERABLY.

 _Turn thy cheek Sebastian, turn thy cheek._ He reminded himself before replying. "What I'm trying to say is if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I am your vessel after all."

WHY WOULD I NEED TO TALK TO YOU? Balthazar snorted condescendingly. WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY OFFER ME?

"Look, I've been a teacher for a while now and I've talked to many who were struggling." Freely said, annoyed. He was just trying to help. "I recognize all the signs."

OH AND WHAT DOES THE ALMIGHTY HUMAN THINK IS WRONG WITH ME? The angel's voice dripped heavy sarcasm and he downed another glass of whiskey. GO ON, I'M DESPERATE TO HEAR.

"I'm not trying to be your counselor or lecture you but what you're doing on the outside? It won't help. It won't make you feel better."

WHAT ENJOYING MYSELF? Balthazar laughed mirthlessly. ENJOYING MYSELF AFTER YEARS OF THANKLESS DUTY?

"No! Using sex and booze as a coping mechanism. Trust me, it never helps. It doesn't fill that void. The only thing that helps is actually working and talking it out with someone."

MY GOD YOU'RE DELUSIONAL.

Freely crossed his arms, "Oh so you haven't been having sex and drinking like a sailor this entire time you've stuck me in here?"

Balthazar stuck out his chin impudently. NO.

XXX

 **1 Month ago…**

Balthazar opened his eyes, fuming. He was back in the now empty house after his visit in his vessel's mind. How dare that brainless ape? That damn human thinks that him, _him_ out of all people needs a human's stupid pity. He let out a wordless roar of frustration and all the lamp posts outside simultaneously exploded. He combed his rumpled hair back with shaking fingers. He almost laughed, he was _shaking._ He wanted to kick himself. Oh how far he'd fallen to let a human get underneath his skin.

And the others. The thought of the two Winchester brothers incensed him even more. One trapped him in a ring of fire and the other wanted to fry his wings with holy oil _and_ Cas had taken their goddamn side even after Balthazar saved his neck. His own brother! His Grace writhed and boiled inside of him, itching to smite and destroy but he calmed it with a single thought; it wouldn't do to have the whole neighborhood vaporized. Instead, he materialized a glass of Scotch and drained it in one pull. But the whiskey tasted like ashes on his tongue. In sudden rage he hurled it at the wall where it shattered.

Even bloody Scotch was ruined now. Seething, he materialized himself back upstairs in the master bedroom. As much as he needed another drink, he still had to be sure of his protection. He snapped his fingers and a dozen or so sigils plastered around the room in questionable fluid glowed briefly and disappeared. The humming of energy and pure power from underneath his bed still thrummed in time with his Grace and he relaxed. With Raphael's vessel destroyed with Lot's salt, it's not like anyone would try and attack him again with his protection. It'd be like throwing a water balloon at a tank.

He summoned another glass of whiskey and drained in one gulp. He recoiled, what is with this awful taste? But he conjured another one anyways. Is this what it was like to be human? Free will, what a stupid double-edged sword. It was packaged so nicely in pleasure and freedom that it hid all the bullshit that came with it. For all of eternity, he'd fought in many battles for Heaven's Honor and Glory but he'd never felt that sort of pain before. It clawed its way through him like an animal when that stupid human mentioned Father. It dredged up all these other…things about his defective family. It made him…. _feel._

These stupid emotions that came with promised carnal pleasure wouldn't do. But it seemed as if you couldn't have one without the other. Unless….

He thought for a moment before picking up the phone. He dialed a specific number that he'd been saving.

A breathy woman's voice answered. "Lotus Flower Massage Parlor."

"Yes, I'd like to order everything you got. From the special menu." He said. "And tell the ladies they'll need some backup, we're going to be here a while."

He was going to drown himself in pleasure until he couldn't feel anything else. He'd be damned if he ever felt that sort of pain again.

XXX

 **Now**

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN AWAY ON SOME VERY IMPORTANT DUTIES.

"Oh save it, we both know you haven't been doing anything of the sort." Freely said. "It's not like I'm completely oblivious." He gestured at the rubble surrounded them. "Not much to do around here besides think and listen to whatever you're doing up there."

THEN YOU WOULD KNOW THAT I AM IN DEMAND OF THOSE IN NEED OF HONORABLE AND PURE ADVICE.

Freely raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh.."

XXX

 **Two Weeks ago.**

"Sam...Winchester." Balthazar let the name roll off his tongue and he vaguely wondered what the tall man's screams would sound like. They were in an abandoned warehouse. Scorched bone, oils and herbs lay smoldering in a bowl where a summoning ritual had been performed. "Why here's one for the list of dumbest things ever. Summon the angel who wants to kill you."

"Desperate times." Sam said, unconcerned with the danger hidden in the angel's voice. "I need your help, Balthazar.

He snorted. That was rich. "Interesting...since last time we met, you wanted to…what was it? Oh, yes, yes, fry my wings 'extra crispy'." A small part of him wanted to blast the human to ash for presuming that he could be summoned like a damn dog but another was intrigued. He decided that if Sam couldn't entertain him in thirty seconds, he'd turn him into a woodland creature.

"Well, that was a misunderstanding."

"Some misunderstanding." Balthazar snapped and his Grace itched within him to smite. A moose was looking pretty good

"I need some advice."

"Advice?"

"Angel advice." Sam said coldly.

"Well, then go ask your boyfriend." Balthazar shot back. He hadn't heard from Cas in ages. Not since he let Sam and his brother trap him within that infernal holy circle. Lord knows what he's been up to since then.

"Cas can't help me." Sam said forcefully. "I need to know if there's a spell or a weapon, _anything_ that can keep a soul out…forever."

"Awww..." Now his interest was piqued. Shame, he would've enjoyed turning him into a two-ton moose with stupid antlers. "What's going on, Sam?"

The human's jaw tightened. "It's for me."

"Well. The plot thickens. Where's your soul, Sam?" Balthazar searched for where it would've been and found nothing but emptiness. Realization dawned on him. "Good God, no. It's not still..." He gingerly reached out with his Grace into the darkness that always hung below the ground's surface. A barrage of searing heat and icy frigidness suddenly battered it mercilessly. He immediately yanked it back. The pain was savage and he knew his brothers' handiwork well. "It is."

"My brother found a way to put it back in me. I don't want it."

"No, you really don't." He said as he soothed his blistering Grace. He couldn't imagine putting _that_ back where it belonged. He'd heard stories about the brother's codependency issues, but this takes the cake. "No, no, 'cause Michael and Lucy are hate-banging it as we speak."

"Can you help me?"

"Oh, yes, yes. The question is, will I?"

"Set your terms."

Balthazar grinned. He did so love it when they were desperate. "I'll do it for free."

"Free?" Sam snorted in disbelief. "Why?"

"Well, you seem like a capable young man. I'd love to have you in my debt." He relished the look of confusion on Sam's face. "And I have to say, I'm not a fan of your brother, so screwing him would delight me." The thought of Dean's face when he found out all his efforts were wasted would be priceless. "Anyway, to business. The spell, yes. So, finding the ingredients are easy enough, but, uh, there's one tricky part, however."

Sam raised an eyebrow in response. "Okay?"

"You need to scar your vessel."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning something that so pollutes it, it renders it uninhabitable." His mind briefly flashed to a nasty incident in Greece with a fellow named Oedipus. "Calls for something very specific."

"Great." Sam seemed a bit too eager to permanently scar his mortal shell. "What?"

"Patricide."

The word hung between them before Sam spoke again, brow furrowed in confusion. "My dad's been dead for years."

He chuckled. "To be clear, um, you need the blood of your father, but your father needn't be blood. Comprende?"

XXX

 **Now…**

PLENTY OF PEOPLE REQUIRE MY SERVICES. He said, ignoring the disbelieving look on Freely's face.

"I only wonder what kind…"

WELL THIS HAS BEEN AN EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE AND BY EDUCATIONAL, I MEAN A WASTE OF MY TIME. He took another pull from his glass and carelessly chucked it over his shoulder where it shattered. STILL THAT GOD AWFUL TASTE…He muttered.

"But it's not just the Scotch, is it?" Freely asked and the look on Balthazar's face was enough of a confirmation. "Everything tastes like mud. You know why nothing tastes right? Why nothing _feels_ right?"

I'M ASSUMING YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME…

He chose to ignore the snide comment. "It's because you still haven't fixed the actual problem. Look, you left Heaven to find free will and you absolutely, definitely found it…in the form of premarital sex and booze." Balthazar snickered as Freely continued. "And as horrifying as it was for me, you loved it and I'm not judging you-."

WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S A LIE.

"Okay, that's a different story…but up until the last time you saw me, everything was great on your end. And then, when crap hit the ceiling fan and you admit all your feelings about God-."

DON'T MENTION FATHER TO ME.

"See this is exactly what I mean." Freely said, exasperated. "You're-you're just avoiding the root of the problem!"

'CAUSE THIS IS THE LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW, A DAMN LECTURE FROM THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO HEAR FROM.

His temper flared. "Well, if you don't want to hear it, I'm not stopping you from leaving! Go back to your free will and let me know in fifty years how that's going for you."

The angel glared at him. After a long moment Freely realized that Balthazar hadn't left. No snapping or wing flaps, no disappearing act. "Why are you-" It dawned on him suddenly. "You can't, can you?"

Balthazar's defiant silence was his answer.

"You can't because you've kept me here this entire time and you've run out of power to keep me here."

Balthazar's jaw twitched. OH SHUT IT.

He crossed him arms. "No, for once you're going to listen to me."

Balthazar muttered something unintelligible underneath his breath. It sounded offensive but Freely didn't care. "I think you should do some reflection, some soul searching. Find it within yourself to forgive God and move on with your life."

OH SURE I SHOULD BE LIKE YOU RIGHT? Balthazar said nastily A BIBLE THUMPER WHO GETS SHIT ON BY GOD AND THEN SMILES AND ASKS FOR MORE?

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven." Freely said firmly. "It's not my place to question the Lord's actions. That would be presumptuous of me. If He left, He must have his reasons, it would be beyond my understanding so I can only have faith in Him."

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND EVIL, GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. Balthazar snapped.

"Well-"Freely started but Balthazar cut him off.

JUST YOU PRANCING ABOUT, BEING A KISS ASS. YOU'RE AN EVEN BIGGER CUCKHOLD THAN I THOUGHT.

"I'm not a cuckhold!"

OH BUT YOU WOULD STILL DEVOTE YOURSELF TO HIM? He glared at Freely. EVEN AFTER ALL YOU HEARD ABOUT HIM. YOU WOULD DEVOTE YOURSELF TO A FATHER WHO NEGLETED HIS CREATIONS AND CHILDREN AFTER ALL THIS TIME?

"Your lack of faith doesn't cancel what I believe." He said quietly and he leaned back heavily on the pew and looked at the ruins of his old church. "I have nothing in this world but my faith. He must have reasons and I'm not saying they're correct but if it were me, I would find in my heart to forgive Him. Holding onto hate does nothing but poison you from within."

SO I SHOULD JUST FORGIVE MY FATHER? Balthazar said, voice rising. FOR THE LACK OF ANYTHING HE'S DONE UP TO THIS POINT? FOR THE DEATHS OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS BECAUSE OF HIS NEGLET AND GUIDANCE? FOR CASTING MY BROTHER OUT? HE BARELY _BLINKED_ AND LUCIFER, BRIGHT-AND-BEAUTIFUL, WAS CAST DOWN TO HELL.

Freely thought for a moment."God works in mysterious ways."

It was the absolute worst thing he could say. Balthazar glared at him with absolute fury. I THINK I REALLY WILL SMITE YOU.

"No- no I'm sorry that's not what I meant!" He mentally kicked himself hard. He really knew how to pick the time and place. "That was wrong of me to-I didn't meant it that way."

OH NO, IF YOU'RE SO DAMN ENLIGHTENED, TELL ME. Balthazar said, menacingly. He kicked away rubble as he stalked towards Freely. TELL ME WHY HE LEFT US WITH NOTHING? NOT EVEN AS MUCH AS A GOOD-BYE. JUST PACKED HIS THINGS AND OOP DADDY'S GONE FOREVER NOW.

"I...I..I can't." He admitted. "But that's the point I'm trying to make. Neither of us can. God is a higher power than we can comprehend."

Balthazar stared at him. For a second Freely thought the angel might actually smite him to dust. TELL ME, YOUR LIFE AS A TEACHER TO YOUR KIND'S SPAWN, WAS IT YOUR DECISION?

"Well, yes." He said, bewildered at the sudden turn of conversation _._ "I found my calling when I was young. I have always wanted to educate children about the wonders of God's universe created for us. My students and I stay close and I've seen them grow into God-fearing adults. They're like my family and I cherish everyone that I set upon the path of our Lord."

WELL I DIDN'T HAVE THAT DECISION. I WAS MADE WITH ONE PURPOSE, AND ONLY ONE PURPOSE. TO OBEY. SO WHEN YOUR CREATOR SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS, YOU GET A BIT LOST.

"But…but you said you left Heaven. When the fighting started." Freely ventured. "Was that not your own decision?"

MORE OF AN INFLUENCE REALLY. Balthazar suddenly wore a small smile.

"An influence?"

AN OLD FRIEND. HE WAS ALWAYS A BIT DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF US. HE DID SOMETHING WE NEVER DREAMED OF. HE DID MORE THAN REBEL, STOPPING THE APOCALYPSE. HE TORE UP GOD'S PLAN AND THREW IT BACK INTO HIS FACE. BURNED THE PAGES FOR ALL OF US.

Freely sensed a shift in the angel's mood. "And he didn't…die?"

STILL ALIVE AND KICKING.

"He…must be a sight to see. I would've liked to meet him. "

YOU MET HIM THE OTHER DAY. Balthazar chortled. I MEAN YOU WERE SHITTING YOURSELF SO NO SURPRISE YOU DON'T REMEMBER HIM.

"Who, Castiel?" He couldn't think of a person who looked less rebellious than the neatly dressed man who appeared in his house. "He looks like…like…"

YEAH. HE'S GOT A STICK UP HIS ASS MOST OF THE TIME. YOU TWO WOULD GET ALONG.

"Why…how did he rebel? I thought you said that you were all made to be obedient."

I'VE ASKED THAT MYSELF A LOT. Balthazar furrowed his brow, suddenly deep in thought. I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE. SOMETIMES I THINK FATHER MIGHT'VE MADE HIM DIFFERENTLY. MAYBE A DEFECTIVE PART OR SOMETHING. BUT THERE HAVE BEEN MANY INSTANCES DURING OUR LIFE TOGETHER THAT HE HAS…REBELLED. HE DOESN'T REMEMBER 'COURSE, BUT I DO.

"Sounds like you two go way back."

WE WERE, I MEAN, ARE BROTHERS IN ARMS. HE HAS MY LOYALTY TO THE END.

Freely thought for a moment. Balthazar clearly held this Castiel in high regard. The bond between them was undeniable. The bond between two brothers was special in its own way. He saw for himself how close the two angels were when the Castiel foot into their house. And there was no hesitation in Balthazar's words now. Perhaps…

"If you can't have faith in God," He asked carefully, "Could you have faith in him?"

The angel's head shot up to look at Freely. SORRY WHAT WAS THAT?

"I'm saying, if you've lost faith in your Father, what about Castiel?"

He narrowed his eyes. WHAT ABOUT HIM?

"From what I understand from our last meeting with him, he needs your help. He asked for your help."

'COURSE HE DID. The angel muttered. THE IDIOT ALWAYS HAD TOO MUCH HEART AND NOT ENOUGH BRAIN. IF I WASN'T AROUND, HE'D STILL BE STEPPING ON FISH AND YOU MAMMALS WOULDN'T EXIST.

Freely heaved an exasperated sigh. It was like pulling teeth with this angel. "So I'm saying, if you absolutely can't find it within you for forgiveness. Put your faith in Castiel."

If he didn't know any better, Balthazar looked taken back. "He's fighting for something that you understand better than I and he came to you because he trusts you as much as I trust God. Do something _meaningful_ with your freedom. Help your brother."

There was a long moment where Balthazar's face was completely unreadable, but Freely could see the gears turning in his head. _One, two, three,_ He counted quietly to himself. _He's going to either kill me or do it before I get to ten. Four, five, six…._

I'LL…. CONSIDER IT.

And Freely smiled to himself. "Of course, that is all I ask." He'd finally gotten through to him.

BUT THAT MEANS YOU'LL BE ALONG FOR THE RIDE.

"I know. But if it's for a cause you believe in..."

POTENTIALLY. Balthazar said.

"Potentially." Freely amended. "I'm alright with it. But can you promise to tone down the uh, sexual activities. I try to keep an open mind, but I'm still a man of God. It was too much being front row and center with no control over anything my body is doing."

THAT IN A NUTSHELL IS WHAT POSSESION IS.

"Look, I just don't want to be up close and personal with everything you do with my body. Especially the sex... I promised I would serve God and his servants, but it's disconcerting when I'm there for it. I feel like a human puppet."

Balthazar thought for a moment. He snapped his fingers and in an instant his church was restored to its simple untouched quality with a new addition. Where the pulpit used to be, a sixty-five-inch TV stood gleaming with a luxurious home theatre surrounding the area. Heaps of ancient looking books and metal boxes were stacked around the TV nearly obscuring it from view.

"Uhhh it looks like an entertainment center from Ikea." Freely made his way over to the pile of boxes and inspected them closely. "What are these for?"

YOU CAN STAY HERE. WITH THIS YOU CAN WATCH WHAT'S GOING ON WHILE YOU SPEND TIME IN YOUR 'HAPPY PLACE'. Freely could practically hear the air quotations. IF YOU GET BORED, WELL I BORROWED SOME STUFF FROM THE VATICAN ARCHIVES.

His hand froze. "V-Vatican archives?!"

YEAH THEY WON'T MISS THEM.

He felt oddly touched by the gesture. "Why, Balthazar…"

DON'T GET MUSHY ON ME. He sniffed as he scuffled his feet. I JUST NEED A VESSEL.

"What about you though? Don't you expend power keeping me here?"

LIKE SEX, IT'S ALL ABOUT CONSENT. IF I HAVE YOURS, I DON'T EXPEND MY ENERGY AND I WON'T HAVE HEADACHES LATER.

"I never really heard it put that way before…"

DO WE HAVE A BARGAIN?

"Yes." There was the sound of wing flaps and Balthazar disappeared.

Freely gazed up at the heaping mounds of stacked books and religious texts. _Maybe this won't be so bad after all_

XXX


End file.
